was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you inspire me to be a worse person
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
