We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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