Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
