dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
