eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
