I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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