i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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