so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
