when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
