She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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