Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You did what with his pubic hair?
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