I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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