my vag is so smooth its legendary
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
