and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
