he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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