Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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