I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
