He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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