My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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