Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
