There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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