Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
