I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
