So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
