how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
