So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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