When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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