I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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