she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
