I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Come see our sink grown plant.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
