I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think i got beer on your cat.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
