The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
