since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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