so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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