she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
