I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
