As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
