Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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