my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize