you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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