she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
