just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
