Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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