I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
