JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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