I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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