I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
