She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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