omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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