Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
