my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
