Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
