shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
