I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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