He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
