Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
