I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
