It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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