that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
