Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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