she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
