Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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