your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
