I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
