we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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