I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
