My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
