seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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