I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
