Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
