you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
