I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
