guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
