I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
