My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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