dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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