Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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